Broken Love
by katierabbit
Summary: A family member dies on Jane's clock, and she gets stuck re-living the past. Slowly losing touch with herself, she is becoming a stranger to Maura, who is terrified for the state of their relationship. Maura loves Jane more than anything in the world, but when things become too much, will the ME finally crack? Sorta long one shot, and defiantly won't be everybody's cup of tea


**Alrighty, so if you actually clicked this fic, kudos to you my friend :) I should inform you all now, this is the first R&I fic I've posted, so I'm not too sure what the quality is gonna be like. It only took me something like seventy years to figure out how to post the damn thing...**

**Anyway, like I said in the description, this sort of story won't be something everybody's going to enjoy, It's a little darker, and the personality of Maura is (naturally, because I can't see her doing something like this in real life) a bit different, and same goes for Jane.**

**Alright, enough nonsense, I have to do a disclaimer right? I'm still poor, I own nothing, do not sue me because I'll be very upset living in a cardboard box**

**Now the formalities are done, read, hopefully you'll enjoy, and leave a review with your thoughts, good or bad :) x**

* * *

"_Don't do it."_

"_You had your chance, Rizzoli, to save a life" _

"_No, no, no, please!"_

"_I told you what would happen."_

"_Don't you do it!"_

"_I warned you."_

"_NO!"_

_Bang._

* * *

Jane shot up in her bed, the sheets a tangled mess around her and her chest was heaving. She cast a quick glance at the clock and the numbers flashed 2:34am. Sighing, Jane wiped the sweat that had collected itself on her forehead and chest from the nightmare and prodded to the kitchen.

Instead of grabbing a beer like she normally did, she instead walked straight to the bookshelf. She didn't read most of the books on it, they were just a collection of gifts she'd received, and not wanted to throw out. She picked up _Red Sox Glory_ from the shelf and opened it to page 109, the last photo of them all together fluttered out of the page. Slowly, Jane picked up the photo and looked at the four faces which shone back at her as if it was only yesterday.

Flashbacks of the day they took the photo, Jane let a small smile creep to her lips as she remembered bickering with Tommy about who stood where, and Ma trying to stop the arguments by situating herself in-between them. Cheerfully, Jane slung her arm around Frankie's shoulder, whilst reaching her arm behind Ma's back to give Tommy a quick, harmless cuff on the back of his head.

Maura had taken the photo just as Tommy turned around to glare at Jane, while Ma just looked at Tommy with a confused expression, and Jane was leaning heavily against Frankie, laughing at the look of Tommy's face, Frankie laughing along with her.

As if it was only yesterday.

* * *

"Jane." Frost's surprise was evident in his tone of voice. Nobody had known when Jane would be returning to work, but they hadn't expected it to be so soon. "I…hi." He didn't really know what to say. And he wondered to himself whether or not Korsac or even Dr Isles knew that Jane had decided to come in today.

As it happened, neither did. Maura's surprised mirrored Frost's when she strolled into the bullpen and saw Jane sitting at her desk. She didn't look like she was doing any work, just staring idly at her computer, blinking a few times each minute.

Maura cast a questioning look at Frost, who simply shrugged his shoulders. Either he was dismissing the fact that Jane had shown up for work so soon, or he was trying to not draw attention to his own surprise.

Maura knew that had she been in Jane's position, she definitely wouldn't have come to work a week after such a traumatic event.

* * *

_There was nothing she could do, expect look through the computer screen at the dark room, the only light was illuminating the man who sat in the chair, bound to it. His head hung over his chest as he whispered one of his last words._

"_Please…find me Jane."_

_And he lifted his head up to look into the camera lens, and he stared straight into her soul, his eyes telling her that he knew he was done for. But he couldn't help but hope. Jane's stomach was cold; her heart was in fragmented ice shards, slowly breaking away with every plea of help he made. Every scream of pain he had let out. Jane felt a tear quickly fall down her cheek as she looked at his face, his poor, innocent face._

_And there was nothing she could do to save him._

_His voice had turned into a strangled whisper, and Jane could hear footsteps slowly coming back into the room, and his face had morphed into one, last desperate expression of help._

"_Please."_

* * *

"Detective Rizzoli?" The soft voice broke Jane out of her reverie. She stared blankly at the woman who sat in the chair opposite her, a notepad in her hand which had a considerable amount of hastily written scribble on it. "What did you see?"

Jane looked out of the window with a thoughtful expression. The sun was high up into the air, illuminating the room with a friendly, bright atmosphere. The trees were green outside and the leaves swayed peacefully with a light breeze, a beautiful, perfect day. Completely opposite to how Jane was feeling right now.

"He was begging." Jane whispered in a broken voice, closing her eyes shut tightly; as if it made it easier to confess when she didn't see who she was confessing to. "And I didn't save him."

"What happened, Detective, was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to alter what happened in the past." The woman said softly, but urgently.

"He begged." Jane continued to whisper, completely unaware of the other person in the room.

"Detective, listen to me." The woman placed the pen and paper down and she leaned forward to talk to Jane a little more openly. "I understand that you are feeling guilty for what happened – "

"How can you understand?" Jane suddenly spat, the complete change of mood threw the psychologist off for a moment, but she recovered quickly. "Have you ever seen a young man die?" Jane continued.

"I can't say I have, no."

"So then you've never looked one in the eye, listening to their final words, their final begs and pleas for you to save them, but knowing you can't? That there is nothing you can do to save them? To save somebody who you've loved nearly your whole life? To watch them die right in front of you, because of you?" Jane shook her head, loose curls falling out of her hastily made bun. "This is our last session together." Jane finally said after a minute of silence.

"Detective, I really don't think that's a wise decision." The woman began, but Jane cut her off.

"You are doing nothing for me except continuously reminding me of how I failed my little brother." Jane stood determinedly. "And I never want to see you again." And she strode out of the office, never turning back to see the shocked expression of the psychologist's face.

* * *

"Jane?" Maura's soft voice came from behind Jane's couch. "Are you coming to bed?"

Her voice was small, uncertain. She loved Jane more than anything in the world, and before everything had happened she was positive that they would spend the rest of their lives together. But now, Maura didn't know about anything anymore. She had no idea how to help Jane, or if Jane could ever be helped. She tried to talk to Jane herself, but Jane didn't want to relieve some of the burden and guilt she was harbouring. She tried having other people she trusted, Vince Korsac and Barry Frost talk to her but to no avail. She would have asked Jane's mother for advice, had she not been so distraught herself. Jane hadn't spoken to her mother since…the incident. Feeling responsible for what happened, she didn't see how her mother would want to ever talk to the person who had let her baby boy be shot. Maura even tried getting a third opinion on the matter, by making appointments for a psychologist for herself on how to help Jane deal with the grief, but also in vain hope that Jane may open up to the woman.

She, needless to say why, did not.

"Later, Maur. I'm just going to think here for a few more minutes." Jane replied absently. Jane had said the same thing at around nine thirty that same evening.

It was now quarter to twelve.

Maura didn't know how to stop the barrier Jane was putting up around herself. With every passing minuet, Jane became more distant, further away mentally.

Maura feared wholeheartedly for their relationship, not knowing how they was going to be able to move forward if Jane remained stuck in the past. But Maura loved Jane too much to ever leave her. She knew that she would be sticking with Jane, even if there seemed to be no future with Jane at the moment.

Maura knew she couldn't think so negatively. Things were going to get better. Probably not the same as they were before, but things would get better from where they were now.

They had to.

Maura didn't turn to go back to the bedroom and wait for Jane as she had done before. Instead, Maura walked over to the couch and sat beside Jane. Jane looked over to Maura with a distant gaze, no emotion seeming apparent in her features.

Maura wondered if Jane even knew she was crying.

She put her arm around Jane, draping a blanket they had left on the couch earlier today around her shivering shoulders. Jane subconsciously leaned into Maura's touch, something that gave Maura's heart a little ray of hope that her Jane that she fell in love with was still there.

"Why do you stay?" Jane asked quietly. Maura didn't answer, she just rubbed Jane's arm soothingly, resting her cheek on Jane's shoulder. "Why would you want to stay here, when I'm so broken?" She continued.

Maura still didn't answer, not wanting to reply to a question where the answer seemed so obvious to her.

"Why do you stay, when there are hundreds of people who you deserve much more than me? Why do you stay with me?" Jane pressed, seeming to not let the topic rest.

"Because I couldn't bare being anywhere but with you." Maura whispered, placing a tender kiss on Jane's cheek. Maura felt a fresh tear touch the top of her lips as it fell from Jane's eye. Maura pulled back a little, and then leaned in again to kiss away all the stray tears on Jane's face. The sheer love behind it caused the tears to fall still, but Maura never relented. And she kept kissing the tears away until they fell no more, and until Jane had fallen asleep, leaning heavily into Maura's body, wrapped securely in Maura's arms, the one place where she felt safe.

* * *

"_Where is he?" Jane asked a little nervously. She checked her phone for the millionth time the past hour, contemplating whether or not to dial his number again. Just as the thought occurred, her phone trilled loudly in her hand. Jane glanced at the caller ID, but it only said 'Blocked'. Jane looked to Korsac and Frost before answering the phone and putting it on loudspeaker. "Rizzoli."_

"_I have your brother." An automated voice replied. "If you want to see him alive, turn on the computer, open your email and click the link that has been sent to you." The line went dead and Jane was positive her face had turned a colour whiter than a ghost. Without skipping a beat, Jane turned to her computer and opened up her emails. There were a few in the inbox, and one from an IP address she didn't recognise. Clicking the email, as promised, there was a link. Jane glanced over to look at her partner and ex-partner. With a small head nod from Korsac, Jane clicked the link._

_A new window opened to a live stream of a dark room. Jane squinted at the screen, trying to spot in the darkness some clue to show where the camera was. One light flickered on to illuminate a chair and a young man in uniform strapped to it. His head had lolled forwards, but had snapped up when the light switch was activated. He glanced around for a few moments, before his eye caught something off screen._

"_Where am I?" The voice asked determinedly._

"_That's for me to know, and you and your sister to never find out." A cool reply was heard. _

_Jane felt a chill down her spine as she watched a dark figure walk slowly towards her brother, slowly lifting a gun to point at his head. He crouched down so his face, covered by a white mask, was at the same level as her chair-bound brother._

"_Say 'hello' to your sister, Rizzoli Junior." The owner of the voice waved to the camera, and her brother's eyes shot to where his captor was waving to._

_For a single moment, their eyes met. Although he couldn't see how her expression mirrored his own terrified one, Jane could only stare helplessly at her younger brother, putty in this unknown man's hands. The man pulled out his phone again, and pressed a number and held the phone to his ear. As Jane predicted, her phone sounded in her hand. Immediately answering and putting it one loudspeaker, she demanded,_

"_Where are you and what do you want with my brother you bastard!" Jane abused._

"_This is what's going to happen, Detective Rizzoli." The man's voice was calm, un-disturbed by Jane's aggressiveness. "You're going to hand over Garret Fronetto to me, unharmed, and I'll return your brother to you safely."_

_Jane looked desperately to Korsac and Frost. Of course, he wants the one person they can't give._

"_I…I can't do that." Jane replied a little more shakily that she'd like._

"_That's too bad, Detective." The voice replied, a little amused, but unsurprised by the denial. "See, I imagined this would happen, it's why I had the camera installed. Because it's one thing to hear your brother be tortured, but a whole other to watch it unfold before your very eyes. To watch him squirm in pain, withering and begging for mercy." Jane's heart stopped._

"_Don't you dare." She whispered dangerously low, not entirely sure if the man had heard._

"_Oh, Detective, I would. Believe me. You have one hour to bring Fronetto to me. After that, the real fun begins. Because with every fifteen minutes after that deadline that I do not have Fronetto…"  
He trailed of, running the gun down her brother's face, slowing on his arm. "Your brother will have to pay the price."_

_He hung up, and before Jane had enough time to process his demand, the man's gun pointed to her brother's foot, who could do nothing expect watch with fearful eyes the barrel on the gun. Before Jane had space to blink, he pulled the trigger, sending a bullet straight through his left foot._

_Her brother screamed out and Jane watched her brother's face morph into a look of pain as she cried out in horror._

"_FRANKIE!"_

* * *

Jane was gasping for air by the time Maura's soft shakes and kisses woke her up. They were still on the couch, but the blanket that had been draped over the two of them had fallen to the floor, probably during Jane's flailing in her nightmare. Well, it wasn't a nightmare if she was just re-living the past.

Jane wiped the fresh tear tracks from her cheeks, and she leaned back against Maura as Maura ran her fingers through Jane's messy hair.

"Another nightmare?" Maura asked quietly. Jane knew that Maura knew it was, but she just felt the need to confirm it. Jane nodded her head. "Jane…" Maura sighed deeply, and then sniffed. "You need to find a constructive way to let out your emotions, rather than bottling them up during the day and having them be unleashed during the night." Maura sniffed again. Jane turned around curiously to ask why Maura was sniffing, when she gasped.

Maura sniffed again and tried to turn her face to hide her bloody nose away from Jane's view, but it was too late.

"Maura…" Jane gasped, turning Maura's head to face hers again. "Did I…did I do this?" She asked, slowly reaching out her fingers to touch the slight bruising that was beginning to colour Maura's nose.

"It's fine, Jane."

"To hell it's fine, Maura, look at you! This could be counted as abuse on my part!" Jane was outraged with herself. Couldn't she even sleep with her girlfriend without ruining that too?

"Jane it's just a little bruising of the tissue." Maura tried to dismiss it, but when Jane carefully prodded the nose, which looked suspiciously broken, Maura winced in pain. "Okay, maybe a lot."

"We have to get you to the hospital." Jane muttered.

"No, Jane, you are in to fit state to drive." Maura commented.

"Please, Maura,"

"No, Jane. If it still is in bad condition when we go to work, I'll have detective Korsac or Frost drop me off. But for now, just rest."

"How can I rest when my girlfriend is bleeding to death beside me?" Jane exclaimed.

"Jane, please, lower your voice." Maura winced. She was petty certain that Jane didn't have much control on her emotions lately, and what right now is her just being concerned, she is expressing rather…well…aggressively.

"Maura! We need to go to the hospital!" Jane continued at the same pitch.

"Jane, please." Maura pleaded. There was something frightening about the way Jane was acting. It was too forceful, the way she gripped Maura's arms tightly to pull her up from the couch, the way her voice was raised that it could almost be classified at shouting. Maura had never been scared of being around Jane, but right now…this wasn't Jane. "Please…" She said quietly.

There was something in Maura's tone that made something snap inside of Jane. It was the same pleading, same desperation that he had heard before. Jane realised suddenly how tight her grip on Maura's arm was. She let go quickly, and watched as Maura rubbed her arm tenderly. When her eyes met the hazel ones, there was a caution within them, like she didn't know how to act around this person she'd never seen before.

Like she had no idea how to be around Jane.

Like she didn't know Jane.

Jane could see Maura searching deeply in her eyes for some sort of flicker of the old Jane, but she didn't seem to be able to find it. All Maura saw was aggression and anger.

Maura took a step back, a small, calculated step, all the time keeping eye contact with Jane, searching, searching…

But she never found it.

She never found Jane.

She was gone.

* * *

When Jane awoke again, she knew Maura would be long gone from the apartment. Although a small part of her still held hope that Maura was curled up on the couch from where she'd insisted she'd sleep that night. Jane of course was disappointed when she came to the living room, and saw the blanket folded neatly on the couch and a small, folded note on top of it.

Jane hesitantly walked over to the note and stared at it as if it were some foreign object she'd never seen before. She picked it up, opened it and read the two words that were written in elegant script that could only belong to Maura.

_I'm sorry._

Jane fell on her knees, still staring at the note.

_I'm sorry._

"Maura." Jane whispered to the note. "Please come back." Jane continued to the paper, as if it would respond back to her.

It did.

The words hung in the air like expired milk.

_I'm sorry._

* * *

Jane saw Maura at work two days after Maura had left Jane's apartment. Jane daren't go down to her office and talk to Maura, but when Jane stepped in the elevator to go to her lunch break, Maura was already in it.

Jane's breath left her lungs as if somebody sucker punched her. Maura's nose, and the area around it, was a purple-green bruised colour. She had a nose-brace of sorts keeping, what Jane suspected to be, Maura's broken nose in place while it healed. And despite it being a pretty hot day today, Maura was wearing a long sleeved shirt to hide her arms.

Jane felt disgusted with herself.

"Maura," Jane whispered. She lifted her arm slowly to touch Maura's shoulder, but froze in place at the way Maura flinched subconsciously as the suggested touch. Jane's hand dropped to her side and she turned around, facing her back to Maura.

She didn't want Maura to see her cry.

* * *

"_Detective, we're nearing two hours. I'm beginning to think that you like watching your little brother cry out in pain."_

"_Please…" Jane begged, the tears falling effortlessly down her cheeks as she watched this mysterious man pace slowly behind Frankie's line of vision. "Don't hurt him anymore…please." Jane's voice broke. She had tried to keep a professional tone to her voice as she normally did in any hostage scenario, but she lost her resolve after one hour and fifteen minutes._

_She first started calling him a slimy bastard that would rot in hell. That he would burn and when she found him, she would kill him in the slowest, most painful way possible._

_He asked where Fronetto was._

_Jane told him he was dead._

_A bullet went to Frankie's right leg._

_At an hour and a half, he called again. He explained that Fronetto was a very important person to him, that they were almost like brothers. And that he knew that Jane had him, and he wanted Fronetto to walk free._

_Jane told him he was dead._

_She heard a low chuckle on the other line, and watched with a horrified expression as a man from the side handed him something that resembled a cigarette. Jane cried out a painful 'NO!' but the man just asked for Fronetto._

"_I can't give you the dead you fucking prick! Just give me back my brother and we can sort something out!" The was just a sigh on the other line, as the man walked closer to Frankie's left side, playing with the lit cigarette._

"_That's a shame." He replied before hanging up. Jane screamed into the dial tone when she watched the man bring the lit end to Frankie's cheek._

_At one hour and forty-five minutes, she got a call again_

"_I can't give him to you, he is dead! Why don't you understand me?!"_

"_Oh, I understand you perfectly Detective." The cool voice replied, seemingly unfazed by the cries of Frankie from the consequences of his last call. "Do you hear that, Rizzoli Junior?" The man asked Frankie. "Your sister is willing to have you suffer, and ultimately die because she doesn't want to give me who I want. Tsk, tsk." He shook his head and Frankie struggled in his binds_

"_Don't do it Jane!" Frankie called out to her. "I don't care what he wants, don't give it to him! You'll regret it!" Jane let in a shaky sob, her brother, ever trying to be the hero._

"_No, Rizzoli Junior, I believe she'll regret not giving me what I want more." He said nonchalantly, not bothered by Frankie's outburst. "See, because if I don't have who I want by two hours, you, my little Italian friend, will no longer have that nice little heartbeat rattling away in your chest, because there will be a bullet lodged in it." He walked around and looked at the camera, dark eyes staring at Jane through the edges of the mask. "That's fifteen minutes Detective." He hung up._

"_NO!" Jane cried out, sinking to her knees as she watched Frankie twist his back un-naturally as pain shot through his body._

_Jane put her head in her hands. She had failed him, her own brother. Countless others, strangers, people who mean nothing to her, she's managed to save. Why can't she save her own brother, her own flesh and blood?_

_They had tried to track the phone's GPS location, but it had been disabled, rendering it useless. Frost= tried to get a lead on the camera's feed, but he couldn't get a location. It was useless. There was no way to find Frankie or get to him._

_She was watching her brother die before her eyes._

_And there was nothing she could do about it._

* * *

"Jane, Jane wake up." The soft tones of her partner woke Jane up and she sat upright, momentarily confused about where she was. Jane looked around, the office area was dark. How long had she been asleep?

As if reading her mind, Frost answered her unspoken question.

"It's almost nine o'clock." He said quietly. Jane grunted and stretched her back, before slumping back to her seat.

"Why are you still here?" She asked quietly.

"I thought you needed the rest." Frost shrugged. "I'll never leave you by yourself Jane, so I stayed." He concluded. Jane stiffened at the memory of not too long ago, when Maura made the same promise to Jane.

She was gone the next day.

"You should go." Jane whispered.

"Why?"

"Before I hurt you too!" She suddenly exploded. Frost made no physical change at Jane's outburst, but she could see the fear flicker quickly in his eyes.

"She's okay, Jane." Frost said softly. He looked as if he was going to put his hand on her arm, but thought better of it.

"I did that to her, Frost. I hurt Maura." Jane shuddered at the memory, suddenly feeling cold and like she doesn't belong in her own skin. She didn't even know who she was anymore.

"She'll forgive you. She knows you're under a lot of stress right now." He tried to comfort her.

"If I can do that to her now, what's to say I won't do it again if I get a little too mad at her?" Jane continued, seemingly not hearing Frost's words.

"You won't." He said firmly. Jane looked into his deep eyes and sighed.

"I could." She said softly. "I clearly have the potential." She looked over to the side, not wanting to meet his eyes. She didn't want him to see the kind of person she'd become. Or maybe she had already become. "And that's what scares me the most."

* * *

Maura studied her nose in her bathroom mirror and frowned. It was still quite tender, which was to be expected, the woman can sure pack a punch. Sighing, Maura stripped and turned on the water for a long, hot bath to relieve the ache and stiffness in her muscles. Adding a select few bath salts and a bubble bath concoction, Maura turned the water off when it had reached the appropriate height. Stepping into the water, it was much hotter than she expected, and she felt the water burn her feet, yet she continued to step in, feeling the flames of the water creep up her legs.

It wasn't hot enough to blister, but hot enough to cause Maura pain, and had she been a little more emotionally stable, she would have cooled the bath down before trying to get in.

Finally, Maura was in the bath, and the water reached up high enough to cover her nipples. Her hair polled around her chest and back, and she just sat in the water for a few minutes, thinking about the past 24 hours. When her memory reached to the early morning when Jane had awoken, Maura's arms were suddenly assaulted with goose bumps, despite the hotness of the bath, and a cool chill ran through her spine.

Maura slowly lifted her arms to study the bruises that had formed in the clear shape of fingerprints gripping way too hard. Maura was positive that one of the nurses tending to her nose two days ago had seen the bruises, but before she had time to speculate, Maura had quickly pulled her shirt sleeves down to cover them. When she went back home, she changed into a longer sleeved shirt.

Maura continued to stare of the bruises, and the more she looked the more she began to hate herself. Why was she so defenceless, how could she had let Jane do that to her? She just whimpered like a small child, where was her assertiveness?

Maura felt the tears prickle behind her eyes and she began to try and scrub the bruises of, but the harder she pressed, the more pain she caused for herself until finally she was sobbing in the bathtub, the steam from the water assaulting her face.

Maura looked down into the water and watched as her tiny tear droplets fell into the water. Not even taking a moment to talk herself out of her sudden decision, Maura's head suddenly wend under water with such speed, that quite a lot of water splashed out the sides onto the marble floor, but Maura took no notice.

Her face burned as the hot water met with the dry skin from her neck up, but she refused to come out of the water. Underneath, she could just imagine that none of what happened in the past few weeks was real, and it was just a terrible dream.

Maura stayed under the water, trying to convince herself it is all just a dream. Her face felt like it was being scorched, which was nothing to say for her lungs, which were screaming for Maura to bring her head above water and take a breath of air.

She didn't.

* * *

Jane knew she had to see Maura, she had to apologise to Maur for what happened; she would never be able to sleep soundly if she didn't.

Not that she did on a normal basis, but that wasn't the point she was trying to make.

Jane walked through Maura's eerily quiet house, she wasn't sure if she should have knocked and waited for Maura to open the door or not. She had decided with the latter, and now was wondering around, trying to seek Maura out.

"Maura!" Jane called out, she listened attentively for a reply, but she was never met with one.

* * *

Maura's eyes were closed, trying to focus her mind to keep chanting that it was just a dream, but she was just getting so tired…

She thought she could hear shouting in her house, but she didn't bother to bring her head out of the water to listen. It could have been a mass murder for all Maura cared at the moment.

Let them come.

Let them find her.

* * *

"Maura!" Jane screeched. She had finally reached Maura's bedroom, and after calling and knocking at the bathroom door for a little bit, she hadn't got a reply. She tried to open the door but it was locked. The light was on, on the other side of the door, Jane could see it on the edges of the door. "Maura open this door!"

No answer.

Jane took a step back, braced herself, and ran to the door shoulder first with all her strength.

"Urgh!" She moaned as a sharp pain overtook her right shoulder. The door remained where it was. "Fuck it." She groaned while she pulled out her gun. Aiming it at the lock, she fired once and the door flew open.

Maura lay in the bathtub, completely submerged.

"MAURA!" Jane screamed, racing the few steps to Maura, instantly pulling her out of the water and onto the marble floor. From head to toes, Maura's skin was just an aggravated red colour, and judging by the steam emitting from the bathtub, Jane assumed it was because Maura set the taps too hot.

Jane checked for a pulse, and found a slow, weak one at her neck. Jane turned Maura to her side, and she immediately began to cough up water all over the floor.

"Maura, Maura, can you wake up for me? Please?" Jane tried to keep the panic out of her voice, but was failing. "Maura? Baby, please?" Maura stirred in her arms, but did not open her eyes, but murmured something, too low for Jane to hear. "What was that Maur? Babe, please, open your eyes for me okay? Can you do that?"

"Just a dream…"

"What's just a dream babe? Maura, c'mon open your eyes, I want to see your eyes, please?"

"I…want it to be…" Maura took in a small breath, but didn't continue.

"Maura? Maura!" Jane screamed when Maura didn't respond.

There was silence in the bathroom, and Jane held Maura tightly and she cried into the blonde's hair.

"Oh Maura…" Jane sobbed. "I've failed you too, I'm so sorry." Jane cried.

"It's just a dream." Maura finally muttered softly. "Just a bad dream. I want it to be a dream. Jane, why isn't it a dream." Maura didn't seem like she was fully aware of her words, and Jane didn't really understand them either.

"Come on, babe, let's get you to bed." Jane picked up Maura bridal style and took her to the bedroom where Jane dried and clothed Maura, finally placing her into bed.

"Jane…" Maura called out softly. She had been muttering about it being just a dream all through while Jane was drying and clothing Maura. "It's just a dream, and tomorrow it will be like it always was." Jane stood at the doorway, her hand on the doorknob when she paused, contemplating Maura's words.

"What's a dream Maura?" She asked softly. Maura shifted in her bed, and finally tried to open her eyes to meet Jane's confused, tired, and concerned ones. Jane waited as Maura searched her eyes, waiting for Maura to find whatever it was she was looking for. Apparently, she did because Maura let a small smile flicker across her lips.

"I knew it was a dream." She said softly. Jane remained where she was, puzzled. "I knew you weren't a monster." Maura's last words before she turned over to her side and her slow, deep breathing telling Jane that Maura had finally gone to sleep.

Jane turned the light off and closed the door, she planned to sleep in the guest bed tonight; she wasn't leaving until she knew that Maura was okay.

As Jane stripped from her clothes, she got into the bed in just her bra and underwear and she turned out the lights, but she lay awake for much longer.

_That's what Maura meant when she said it was just a dream…_Jane thought to herself. _She thought I was a monster, and she wanted it to all just be a dream._

Jane felt her hate for herself ripple through her body, twisting every nerve she had.

It wasn't a dream

She was a monster.

She killed her brother, and now she almost killed the love of her life too.

* * *

"_Tick tock; times up." The cold voice said on the phone. Jane shook her head, the tears falling down._

"_No…" She begged._

"_Where is he?" She voice demanded._

"_HE'S DEAD!" Jane shouted into the phone." And killing Frankie isn't going to bring him back!"_

"_Oh, I know, detective Rizzoli." She could almost hear the smirk in the man's voice, like he had her exactly where he wanted her._

"_Then why are you doing this?"_

"_I already told you, because I want Fronetto." The man's voice had a hint of impatience._

"_But you know he's dead, so why kill Frankie, you won't get him back." Jane couldn't seem to understand what was happening._

"_Who killed Fronetto, Detective Rizzoli?" The man's cool voice cut through Jane's body. Jane froze. This was why he was doing this, he was playing her. He wanted her to suffer for what she did, and she was. He was succeeding, he had won._

"_I…I…" She stuttered._

"_That's right, _you_." He answered, twirling the gun in his hand as he walked around Frankie. He wasn't moving; he hadn't made a conscious move since the last phone call, fifteen minutes ago._

"_You shot Fronetto, didn't you?" His voice was cold venom._

"_Yes." Jane whispered._

"_You are the reason he is dead."_

"_Yes." Jane's vision was blurry from tears, she quickly wiped them away, as if not wanted to show him she was crying._

"_I was there. You didn't have to pull that trigger." He continued, walking around. "He was putting his gun down, and you shot."_

"_It was an accident!" Jane pleaded._

"_Oh, kind of like this?" He asked, he pointed the gun to Frankie's arm and shot a bullet._

"_YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" Jane screamed._

"_Was it an accident like that?!" He demanded. "Did you finger just slip over the trigger?!" Jane felt the sobs in her chest build up. "I asked you to bring me back my brother, and you didn't deliver."_

"_But he's dead!"_

"_So, an eye for an eye…"_

"_No! Please NO!"_

"_A brother for a brother." _

"_Don't do it." Jane pleaded, with every fibre in her body._

"_You had your chance, Rizzoli, to save a life" His voice was cold. He stood behind Frankie his gun in her brother's back._

"_No, no, no, please!" Jane sobbed from the floor, barely seeing through her tears._

"_I told you what would happen." The was a faint click of him loading the gun_

"_Don't you do it!" Jane yelled, yet she knew it was futile._

"_I warned you." He finished quietly, chucking the phone to the floor and stepping on it._

"_NO!"_

_Bang._

_The front of Frankie's chest blew open; the last thing Jane saw was the look of pure terror on her baby brother's face, staring into the camera, as the final light in his eyes dimmed forever._

_The camera switched off._

* * *

Maura shifted in her bed. She blinked a few times, confused about where she was and how she'd gotten here. Last thing she remembered was taking her bath and diving under the water. She didn't remember coming back up again.

Maura tried to sit up, but found any form of movement caused extreme amounts of pain all over her body. Her skin felt like it was on fire, and when she looked at her forearm, she saw it was red and inflamed.

There was a light knock on her door, and Maura contemplated denying whoever it was access to her bedroom, but didn't see the point.

"Come in." Why was her voice so croaky and felt like sandpaper and gravel and meshed itself up in it? The door opened slowly and a familiar face peeked around the frame. Jane made no other move to come closer.

"I've brought you some breakfast." She said quietly and calmly, as if she didn't know how Maura was going to respond. The thought of eating made Maura's throat ache so she shook her head.

"I could really go for some water though." She asked instead. Jane nodded and disappeared for half a second and her face popped around the door frame again, a glass of water also peeking its way around.

"I'd get up and take the water," Maura began, "but my whole body feels like it's on fire, and if I move my skin feels like it's slowly being ripped off." Maura shrugged, and then winced. Jane quickly made her way to Maura's side and handed her the water. Taking a slow sip of it, Maura thanked Jane and handed her back to glass.

They stayed in a silence for a while, neither asking nor offering information about the previous night, neither knowing what to say. Maura began.

"Why were you here?" She asked, her voice was still gravely, but it was better than before.

"I came to apologise about the other morning." Jane admitted. "I wanted to come and do it personally, so I came over." Jane looked over to Maura thoughtfully. "Good thing I did too, otherwise you wouldn't be having this conversation. You wouldn't be having any conversations anymore." There was nothing accusing or judgemental in Jane's tone, just…sadness. "Why, Maur?" She asked.

"Because…" Maura thought for a moment. She swallowed, and made a face at the pain the coursed its way through her throat. Jane handed Maura the glad of water and she accepted it, taking a sip before continuing. "After everything that has happened these past few weeks, I just wanted nothing more than to believe that none of the pain was real." Jane winced at Maura's words. "Not just the physical pain, but also the emotional. I was watching you punish yourself for something that was out of your control. It was horrible, heartbreaking. I didn't know how to reach out to you; I wanted to be in touch with you again. I wanted my Jane back."

Maura sighed, looking down into her glass.

"Then, what happened at your apartment, I saw the bruises on my arms and I felt so disgusted at myself. Why didn't I fight back? Why did I let you hurt me?" The rawness of Maura's words cut deep into Jane, but Maura didn't know any other way to describe what had happened. "I felt weak. Then, the water was just so hot." Maura recalled.

"Why didn't you get out?" Jane asked. "If it was so hot, why would you hurt yourself?"

"Because," Maura shrugged, not really sure herself, "I guess, in this time where so much is out of my control, this pain was in my control. I could decide whether or not I would feel it. It was something I could hold on to because we've been lacking the control in our lives that we crave." Mara didn't meet Jane's eyes, but she knew that they were staring intently upon Maura's features, probably her face which was as red and aggravated at her arms. Not to mention her nose.

"So you did it because you felt in control?" Jane summarised.

"But I also wanted to forget." Maura admitted. "I just wanted to…well, to pretend it was all a dream."

"Maur…" Jane said softly. Jane wanted to hug Maura, to let her know that she was here, but there was no way to do so when Maura's whole body was probably causing her so much pain just to sit up. "I…I cannot tell you how sorry I am." Jane whispered.

"This isn't your fault." Maura shook her head. "I don't know what had come over me. It was just a spur of the moment; I had lost control of my emotions and rationality. Right now, I would never consider doing such a thing."

"Yeah, maybe, but I triggered that." Jane said. "I made you feel out of control, because of what I did you do." Jane's voice was slowly growing softer. "I felt out of control." Jane's gaze fell. "I'm a monster." Maura began to object, but Jane cut her off. "If it wasn't for me not having a grip on my emotions, you would never have felt like you needed to gain some sort of control. Maura, I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am." The sincerity in Jane's tones was obvious to anybody. Maura reached out a hand and held Jane's. The touch brought Jane's eyes to meet with Maura's and they looked at each other for a long time. "I need to keep you safe. But me being with you, is not doing that."

"Jane," Maura began, squeezing Jane's hand as much as she could. Jane couldn't help but inspect the angered flesh on Maura's hands. "Without you in my life, I honestly don't see a reason to stay." She said slowly. "It was that feeling that I'd never get you back that I think triggered what happened to me yesterday." Maura stared at Jane until Jane met her eyes. "I can't live without you."

Jane slowly pressed her lips to Maura's, and then pulled back.

"We're pretty broken, huh?" Jane asked with a small smile on her face.

"But we can help fix each other." Maura finished, returning the smile. "Just so long as we're together?" Maura was more asking it rather than telling it to Jane, like she needed the confirmation.

"Always, Maura. I wouldn't dream of it any other way." Jane said with definiteness in her tone. Maura smiled at Jane, and when Jane smiled back, she saw that Jane she fell in love with. Not the one who was broken after watching Frankie be tortured and murdered, and not the one who had caused the bruises on Maura, and not the one who had pulled her out of the bathtub, moments from death.

This was Jane, her Jane. The Jane she loved.

And she could see her now, even though she was a little broken around the edges.

Jane was still here, and Maura was going to bring her back so they can live happily together, forever, and Maura will never stop loving Jane, Maura never did stoop loving Jane. She won't stop loving Jane, even when her heart stops beating.

Not even then.


End file.
